You're Invited To The Wackiest Wedding In Hogwarts' History
by Windrises
Summary: Harry's getting married to Luna? Ron's proposing to Hermione? Professor Lockhart is getting married to somebody he doesn't know? This won't end well.


Note: Harry Potter was created by J. K. Rowling and is a film series owned by Warner Bros.

Hermione Granger was heading to her first class. As usual, she was early and was carrying several books. Hermione's best friends, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley, were having breakfast, in the hallway.

Ron looked around and saw Hermione. He had a crush on her, even though he constantly claimed he didn't. He wanted to greet Hermione, so he started running towards her. He accidentally bumped into her. Hermione fell to the ground, along with all her books.

Hermione angrily stared at Ron, while asking, "Can't you be more careful?"

Ron said, "I'm sorry. I was just going to say hi. It's good to see you, Hermione." He felt embarrassed and ashamed, so he quickly ran away.

Luna Lovegood walked by and helped Hermione pick up her books. In recent weeks, Luna had been dating Harry. Hermione thought it was an odd relationship, but Ron thought it made total sense, since he thought Harry and Luna were both weirdos.

Hermione said, "Hi, Luna. How have things been going, with Harry?"

Luna replied, "I have been rather hairy, especially on my head. Sometimes, I consider getting rid of some of my hair."

Hermione responded, "That's not what I meant. Are you still liking Harry Potter?"

Luna smiled and said, "Oh, yes. Harry's very peculiar, different, eccentric, and quite the outsider. In other words, he's flawless. How have you and Ron been doing?"

Hermione felt disgusted, at the mere thought, of her and Ron being in a relationship. She tried to keep herself, from getting sick, from such a horrible thought. She said, "Ron and I aren't dating. We're just friends."

Luna replied, "So, you and Ron are like ponies?"

Hermione had a confused look on her face, while saying, "I don't understand."

Luna replied, "I hear ponies and friendship are a very magical combination."

Ron returned to Harry. The two of them started walking to class, while Ron said, "I got awful close to getting detention, yesterday."

Harry had heard hundreds of stories, about Ron getting a detention. There wasn't a single student, in the history of Hogwarts, who had gathered more detentions. Harry said, "You should be glad, that you didn't receive a detention. What did you do?"

Ron replied, "I accidentally told Professor Snape, that he was a great teacher. I told Snape, that I was trying to compliment Professor Lockhart, not him. He was grumpy, at first, but he calmed down and never gave me the detention."

While walking around, Ron accidentally bumped into Hermione, once again. Harry asked, "Are you okay?" Hermione nodded.

Ron said, "I'm sorry."

Hermione replied, "You need to start being careful."

Professor Severus Snape walked up to them and said, "Ah, the most irresponsible troublemakers, that any school's ever had."

Ron defensively replied, "Hey, we're a lot better behaved, than the Azumanga Daioh girls."

Professor Snape didn't understand Ron's anime reference, so he changed the subject. He handed Harry, Hermione, and Ron a piece of paper and said, "Each of you received a letter, but it was put in my mailbox, by mistake. These mistakes need to stop happening."

Harry replied, "With all due respect, it's the mailman's fault, not ours."

Snape responded, "Fair enough. However, that doesn't change the fact, that you youngsters often cause trouble. Start acting more proper."

After Snape walked away, Harry, Hermione, and Ron opened their papers. They quickly noticed, that they all received the same note. Harry felt very uneasy, while saying, "The note's from Bellatrix Lestrange."

Ron asked, "Is she related to Hugo Strange?"

Hermione sounded frustrated, while answering, "No."

Ron asked, "Is she related to Dr. Strangelove?"

Hermione answered, "No."

Ron asked, "Is she related to Dr. Strange?"

Hermione said, "Please stop joking around, Weasley."

Ron replied, "Hey, I was asking meaningful questions."

Hermione said, "Harry, what does the note say?"

Harry replied, "According to the note, Bellatrix is coming to Hogwarts."

Ron asked, "Is she going to be a student or something?"

Harry answered, "I really doubt that. The note doesn't say much, but I have the feeling, that she might attack us."

Hermione replied, "I better go warn Professor Dumbledore." She started heading to Dumbledore's office.

Luna pranced to Harry and said, "I'll see you, in class, Harry." She kissed Harry's cheek and started bouncing away.

Ron looked upset, so Harry asked, "What's wrong?"

Ron took a long pause, before saying, "I'm jealous."

Harry asked, "What do you mean?"

Ron said, "You have a girlfriend and I don't. Don't tell anybody, but I like Hermione."

Harry asked, "Then why don't you ask her out?"

Ron said, "I tried that, but I kept bumping into stuff and accidentally breaking her stuff. I need to do something, that will blow her away."

A few minutes later, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Luna, and the other students were in Professor Gilderoy Lockhart's class. Instead of focusing on the class, Ron was thinking about a scheme, to impress Hermione. After lots of brainstorming, he started tapping Harry's forehead, while whispering, "I've got an idea."

Harry whispered back, "What is it?"

Ron said, "Hermione and I will get married."

Harry looked baffled, while asking, "What are you talking about?"

Ron said, "I think a wedding would be a really romantic move and it would really impress Hermione."

Harry replied, "Considering that you and Hermione aren't dating, that'd be a bizarre move."

Ron responded, "When my dad was going to propose to my mom, he accidentally bought two sets of wedding rings. He had no use, for the other set of rings, so he let me take them. I'll use them, to marry Hermione."

Harry replied, "Ron, this is a terrible idea."

Professor Lockhart was getting upset, about all the talking, so he walked closer and said, "Students are supposed to talk, during class. What's going on?"

Ron tried to tell Lockhart, that he was getting married. However, he accidentally said the wrong thing. He said, "You're getting married."

Lockhart looked shocked, while saying, "I'm getting married. What an unexpected twist, since I don't have a girlfriend." He grinned and said, "It seems like I'm such a charming person, that people, who I've never met, want to marry me. I couldn't be more flattered. I might consider this wedding, after I see who the bride is." Lockhart continued teaching the class, while being in a better mood.

Luna whispered to Ron, "What's going on?"

Ron tried to tell Luna, that he and Hermione were getting married. However, he accidentally said, "You and Harry are getting married."

Although Luna acted casual, about the weirdest of things, the wedding news surprised her. She had a big smile on her face, while whispering, "Harry wants to marry me, already? I couldn't be more flattered, that Harry and I have bonded, in such a short amount of time. This is wonderful news."

After class was over, Lockhart walked out of the classroom, while saying, "I wonder if Hogwarts has any rooms, for wedding clothes."

Harry looked at Ron, while saying, "You should of told Lockhart, that his wedding isn't real. Since you're delaying the unavoidable truth, his heart's going to get broken."

Ron replied, "Don't worry, Harry. After all, his last name is Lock-Heart. His feelings are sealed and hidden, underneath a powerful lock."

Luna walked up to Harry and said, "Harry, I can hardly believe, that you want to rush our relationship." Harry didn't know what Luna was talking about, so he looked confounded. Luna said, "My answer is yes."

Harry asked, "What are you saying yes to?"

Luna winked to Harry and replied, "I know the big question, that you're going to ask me." Luna kissed Harry and jumped away.

Ron ran to Harry and said, "I got the rings. I'm going to give Hermione one of them."

Harry replied, "Ron, just like me, you and Hermione are seventeen. You're too young, to get married. Plus, you guys aren't even in a romantic relationship, which makes this proposal a jarring, unwise idea."

Ron responded, "Wow, you're being quite a grouch, about this wedding. When the minister asks if anybody objects, you'll probably be objecting."

Ron ran to Hermione and accidentally made her bump into a painting. Hermione looked frustrated, while saying, "You're very lacking, when it comes to carefulness."

Ron replied, "Well, I'm very careful, when it comes to observing the type of things, that you love. I think you'll love this thing." Ron put a ring on Hermione's finger.

Hermione eyed the ring, while responding, "This is a beautiful ring, but why are you giving me it?"

Ron decided to lie, in order to trick Hermione. He said, "I'm giving you the ring, to apologize, for my foolish mistakes. I want us to have a nice, pleasant experience, tomorrow, after school. Meet me, in Lockart's classroom, after school."

Hermione replied, "Okay."

Ron kissed Hermione's hand and started running towards Harry. Ron nudged Harry and said, "We have study hall, tomorrow. During that time, we'll go into Lockhart's classroom and prepare a little wedding."

Harry replied, "This is a horrible idea."

Luna and Professor Lockhart walked by Ron. At different times, they asked, "When's the wedding?"

Ron answered, "Tomorrow, after school, in Lockhart's classroom." Luna started getting ready, for her and Harry's wedding, while Lockhart started getting ready, for his and some stranger's wedding.

The next day, after school, Harry and Ron went into Lockhart's classroom, while wearing wedding tuxedos. Ron decorated the room, with wedding banners, a cake, and flowers.

Hermione walked into the room, while wearing a purple dress. Harry said, "Wow, you look really fancy."

Hermione replied, "Since Ron gave me such a nice ring, I figured I should wear a fancy outfit. You two are wearing nice tuxedos."

Ron responded, "Thank you, Hermione. This is a beautiful event. However, any event, which involves you, already has plenty of beauty."

Hermione looked confused, while asking, "What are you talking about?"

Ron started holding Hermione's hand, while replying, "There's certain times, where you don't need to question things. Embrace life's chaos."

Luna walked in, while wearing a wedding dress. She saw Ron holding Hermione's hand, so she said, "I've always thought, that you two are a cute duo. Hermione, when I throw the bouquet, I want you to catch it."

Hermione asked, "What's going on?"

Luna said, "Harry and I are getting married."

Harry asked, "What are you talking about?"

Luna put her arm around Harry, while saying, "Ron told me, that you were proposing to me. I was surprised, but incredibly excited. This is going to be a beautiful day."

Harry replied, "Luna, this isn't our wedding. I never made any plans, to marry you."

Luna said, "Aww, it's so cute, that you're in denial. It's a bit silly, to still be denying your feelings, by this point. However, your shyness is understandable. Don't worry, fiancee. You and I are going to have the most magical wedding, that anybody's ever had."

Hermione looked confused, while asking, "Are Harry and Luna getting married?"

Luna said, "We sure are."

Harry said, "There's no wedding."

Luna put her hand on Harry's shoulder, while replying, "There's no reason, to be scared and deny the truth."

Harry asked, "What is the truth?"

Luna answered, "That we're engaged and are about to have a lovely wedding."

Lockhart walked in, while wearing a white tuxedo. He said, "I've gotten myself ready, for my wedding."

Hermione replied, "Professor Lockhart, who are you going to marry?"

Lockhart responded, "I don't know who she is, but I'm getting good vibes. I had a dream, where my bride was a witch, with green hair, a snarky attitude, and a love for pizza."

Ron replied, "Sounds like, C. C. from Code Geass."

Lockhart responded, "Sounds about right. Don't tell Lelouch."

Suddenly, Bellatrix Lestrange burst in, with an evil smile on her face. She pointed her wand, towards Harry and his friends, while saying, "I'm going to have the most delightfully evil day, of my entire life." She did an evil laugh.

Lockhart looked at Bellatrix, while being blown away, by her appearance. He said, "Wow, my future wife looks stunning. She's a gothic beauty." He walked closer, while saying, "Greetings, my bride."

Lockhart tried to kiss Bellatrix, but she threw him to the ground and asked, "What's wrong with you? Giving me a kiss would be a more repulsive crime, than stabbing my heart." She zapped Lockhart, several times. She smiled and said, "That was a lot more fun, than zapping Harry and his friends. I'm good, so I'm going to get going."

Hermione looked at Ron and asked, "What's going on?"

Harry sternly said, "Ron, you need to start being honest."

Ron looked at the others, while saying, "This isn't Harry and Luna's wedding. This also isn't Lockhart and Bellatrix's wedding. This was going to be a wedding, between Hermione and me."

Luna replied, "That sounds like a lovely event."

Hermione said, "Ron, that's insane. You and I aren't dating. Why would you want to marry me?"

Ron explained, "Well, I thought it would improve our relationship. I thought you'd start liking me, if we tied the knot."

Hermione said, "This is one of the most illogical, foolish ideas, that you've ever created." She looked at the ring, while saying, "I'm assuming this ring wasn't an apology gift. It's a wedding ring, isn't it?"

Ron answered, "I'm afraid so."

Hermione took off the ring and gave it to Ron. She said, "It's a beautiful ring, but you should be ashamed, for tricking me."

Ron replied, "It was a dumb, chaotic scheme. I was so desperate, to impress you."

Hermione responded, "If you want to impress me, just be yourself and stop bumping into me. Also, try to be more careful, when borrowing my stuff. You've broken dozens of books and bookcases."

Ron replied, "I'm sorry. How about we go read a book, together?"

Hermione answered, "Okay."

Harry looked at Luna and said, "I'm sorry, for this chaotic misunderstanding. I hope your feelings didn't get hurt."

Luna replied, "It's okay, Harry. Weird events, like this one, make life more fascinating, in a good way."

Harry asked, "You were really considering marriage, between you and me?"

Luna blushed and replied, "I'm afraid so."

Harry responded, "We're too young. Besides, it's only been a few weeks, since our first date."

Luna replied, "Fair enough. However, will we get married, in the near future?"

Harry responded, "That's too hard of a question, for me to answer." Luna grinned, while predicting her future.

An hour later, Lockhart was pacing around his classroom, while giving Bellatrix a call. After Bellatrix answered the phone, Lockhart asked, "Will you marry me?"

Bellatrix answered, "No."

Lockhart was in a fussy mood, so he grabbed the wedding tuxedo and threw it. The tuxedo got thrown into the library and landed on Ron's head.

Hermione looked at Ron and asked, "Why is there a tuxedo on your head?"

Ron answered, "I think it's a sign, that I'll get married, someday." Hermione facepalmed.


End file.
